When Humanity Doesn’t Work
The Destruction from Within by a Narcissistic Colleague
Many organizations still operate on the assumption that people are inherently good. Love, respect, and compassion form the foundation of collaboration. And rightly so—in healthy work relationships, these values heal and connect.
But what happens when someone in the team plays by entirely different rules—a person with a narcissistic personality disorder?
“What heals in a healthy relationship, feeds destruction in a narcissistic dynamic.”
What most colleagues don’t realize is that the narcissist doesn’t see humanity as something valuable, but as a weakness. While healthy colleagues believe openness and empathy are keys to resolving tension, the narcissist uses these very traits—against them.
The narcissist plays a different game: control, admiration, superiority. It’s not the project or the team that matters—it’s the self. The balance between task involvement and self-involvement is entirely absent. This isn’t clumsiness or a lack of social skills; it’s a structured, manipulative pattern.
“Trying to solve a toxic pattern with healthy intentions only deepens the damage.”
What makes it even more painful is that well-meaning colleagues often end up reinforcing the narcissist without realizing it. Driven by a desire to mediate and reconnect, they inadvertently choose sides—usually against the one person who does see the pattern. The narcissist knows this. And uses it.
This leads to confusion, division, and ultimately conflict. People who once trusted each other now stand opposed. The narcissist remains in the background, appearing innocent—or even as the “victim” of it all. Meanwhile, those with a conscience suffer. They get sick, burn out, underperform, or leave. What remains is an organization left in damage and disarray—while the narcissist stays firmly in place.
“Narcissism doesn’t ask for understanding—it demands boundaries and clarity.”
What’s often missing is knowledge. Recognition. An understanding of the dynamics unfolding beneath the surface. Because as long as we try to heal a toxic dynamic with healthy intentions, we unknowingly become part of the problem.
Narcissism requires a different approach.
Not dialogue, not mediation—but boundaries. Clarity. And courage.
Conclusion
Dealing with a colleague who has a narcissistic personality disorder is not just challenging—it’s destructive if misunderstood. Well-meaning efforts rooted in empathy and dialogue often have the opposite effect. To protect both people and the organization, it’s crucial to recognize the dynamics at play and respond with clear boundaries, awareness, and courage. Only then can we begin to break the cycle—and prevent good people from becoming collateral damage.
Agreed! The very humanity we now see as a “weakness” may stem from a lack of learning to set boundaries as children. With constant internet connectivity and little time for true boredom — the kind that naturally fosters reflection — self-awareness is fading. While our intentions may be good, the systems we operate within are built on exploitation, not integrity. How can we possibly fix this when such behavior has already infiltrated everything? Out of the three — boundaries, clarity, and courage — it is courage that matters most: the courage to be both right and wrong. The rest follows.
Wow!!! Insight and guidance in clear, concise, and actionable form. Thank you.