The Gifted Paradox

Mistakes, Missteps, and the Journey to Self-Acceptance

Nov 10, 2024

How discovering my own giftedness at 53 led me to confront the hidden mistakes and unspoken struggles behind my success.

Introduction

At 53, I learned I might be gifted—a term that felt more like a burden than a blessing. This revelation forced me to confront mistakes and patterns in my life I had never understood before. As I delved deeper into the world of giftedness, I realized that my success came with hidden struggles and unspoken frustrations. In this column, I share the personal journey of navigating these revelations and the mistakes I made along the way.

Until I was 53, the word giftedness was something I’d never associated with myself. Life was just life—a series of pursuits that came naturally to me. Then, one day after a strategic board meeting, a colleague who happened to be a psychologist asked, “Have you ever considered that you might be gifted?”

The question felt out of place, yet resonated deeply. I’d never thought of myself in those terms, but her words planted a seed. Soon enough, I was reading everything I could on giftedness, diving headlong into this uncharted subject. The discoveries I made shook me. Every page seemed to describe my life with startling accuracy—my intense need for freedom, my deep curiosity, my resistance to authority, my drive to understand things thoroughly. It was as if I’d finally stumbled upon a language that described my experience.

Markers of Success, but Something Missing

As I reflected on my life through this new lens, I started recognizing patterns that had shaped my journey. Work tasks came easily, almost too easily. I often felt like I could do my job “with two fingers in my nose,” and I wondered why my colleagues seemed to struggle with things that felt so straightforward to me.

My career took me from Field Engineer to Sales Director and eventually to CEO, with many viewing this path as a series of promotions, teaching roles, even industry nominations. But deep down, I often felt like something was missing. I had the accolades, the recognition, the so-called “markers of success,” yet I was left questioning why they didn’t bring the fulfillment they promised.

The Moment of Reckoning

One evening, while reading a book on giftedness, something finally clicked. Normally, I’m not one to cry, but as I read through descriptions of the challenges faced by gifted individuals, it all became too intense. In a split second, I understood how my drive, my clashes with authority, and my restlessness from one role to another were part of a much larger pattern. I hadn’t just been climbing a career ladder; I had been searching for something deeper—something that achievements alone couldn’t provide.

The sadness that followed was profound. For months, I carried it with me, as if grieving an unrecognized part of myself. I began to realize I hadn’t been “chasing success” so much as searching for a sense of belonging—a feeling of alignment that my achievements could never quite fulfill. Processing this was hard; it meant untangling layers of expectations I hadn’t even realized were there.

Mistakes Along the Way

One of my biggest mistakes was in how I dealt with authority. Again and again, I’d clash with the limits imposed by others, hoping each new role would finally give me the freedom I craved. But each time, the same frustrations returned, and I’d find myself moving on. I thought autonomy was just a new job title away, only to realize that true fulfillment was more complex than simply being “in charge.”

Another lesson was the way I pushed myself. Taking on additional roles—like teaching at the university on top of my main job—was my way of seeking purpose. To others, it may have looked like ambition, but for me, it was a search for something that would bring me closer to myself.

Finding Release on the Road

When the pressure grew too much, I found solace on my road bike. Cycling has always been my release—a place where my mind could clear, where I could escape the endless loop of analysis and expectation. Out there on the open road, there was no competition, no need to prove myself. It was just me, the rhythm of my legs, and the feeling of freedom. It allowed me to let go of the need to fit in, to achieve, to keep up the constant quest for the next role or responsibility.

Piecing Together a New Understanding

Now, at 60, I have a clearer picture of my giftedness. It’s a term I still find uncomfortable—a label that feels both empowering and limiting. But it’s given me a lens through which I can finally see my story with clarity. The qualities that once felt like burdens are now part of a narrative that makes sense to me.

For anyone walking a similar path, I’ll say this: realizing the truth of your nature, even later in life, brings moments of both reckoning and relief. It’s a journey from self-discovery to acceptance, and finally, to a kind of inner peace. Embracing giftedness, with all its complexities, isn’t an easy path, but it’s one that ultimately leads to a life more deeply aligned with who you are.

Conclusion

Recognizing my giftedness was both a challenge and a revelation. It forced me to reevaluate my path, confront my mistakes, and embrace the complexities of who I am. While it hasn’t been easy, this journey has brought me closer to a more authentic and fulfilled life. “Understanding my giftedness wasn’t just about success—it was about making peace with the parts of me I had long ignored.”